Agents, we need to talk about listing descriptions. Please stop writing poetry and tell me what the house actually IS

Over the years i've been touring houses I think I’ve read every variation of ‘charming,’ ‘cozy,’ ‘sun-drenched,’ and ‘perfect for entertaining’ ever written.
Meanwhile, the house has one working outlet, a staircase that violates 17 safety codes, and a ‘bonus room’ that is clearly just an enclosed porch with optimistic aspirations.

This is what drives me nuts:

“Cozy” = I’m about to walk into a room where my shoulders touch both walls.
Just say it’s small. It’s okay. Some people WANT small.

“Perfect for entertaining” = the living room barely fits a loveseat.
Who exactly is being entertained? Borrowed Barbie dolls?

“Chef’s kitchen” = a 1999 electric stove and three square feet of counter space.
My expectations are not unreasonable here.

“Tons of natural light” = one east-facing window photographed during its 6-minute daily golden hour.
I’ve seen storage units with better lighting consistency.

And my personal favorite:

“Flexible layout.”
Translation: None of this makes sense but maybe YOU can figure it out.

I don’t need poetic writing. I don’t need metaphors.
Just tell me what the house actually is so I don’t waste a Saturday driving around to be disappointed in person.

Buyers: What listing-description phrases make you hit back instantly?
Agents: Which phrases do you secretly hate but know your sellers insist on using?

submitted by /u/LazyKitchen7963
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/RealEstate/comments/1prdh7h/agents_we_need_to_talk_about_listing_descriptions/